Stop. Grammy Time!

The stars are out tonight. Big and Bright. Dressed up. Dressed down. Flesh, diamonds, ambition. It's the Grammys. There's a big show tonight and CBS is pulling out all the stops to create a celebrity fest with performances by U2, Coldplay, Lil' Wayne, Radiohead, T.I, Jay-Z among other big names. Last years ratings were the lowest ever.

7:42: Watching Ryan Seacrest interviewing Will. I. Am on E Network. He's such a bozo. MIA is 9 months pregnant and might go into labor at any minute. She's dressed in a fun blue print party dress. As of now she's still not sure if she's performing.

7:49: Quincy Jones, legendary producer, arrives in a stretch limo. Newsflash. Rihanna is not going to make it. She's not in good shape (whatever that means). Chris Brown is also a no show and will be replaced by Al Green or Justin Timberlake.

8:00 U2 Kick off the show. Man these guys are old. And the song is like some sort of "Subterranean Homesick Blues" with the lyrics flashing behind the screen..like the beginning of "Don't Look Back." U2 is still huge because, like Bruce Springsteen, they were huge before the advent of digital downloads. Nobody can attract the same kind of following anymore because music has splintered into so many "boutique" genres.

8:05 Whitney Houston announces the nominees for best Rn'B album. Whitney looks like she's had some work done. Jennifer Hudson wins. Her dress is stylish. The top is cute, but I think that the skirt could have been longer.

8:10 Justin Timberlake takes the stage in tight-fitting, shiny mod tuxedo. He waxes on about Al Green. And then the Rev. appears with an eclectic backing band of Boyz 2 Men and Keith Urban for a stylish version of "Let's Stay Together." Boyz 2 Men either missed their cue or JT sang over their 30 seconds to shine.

8:21 Coldplay. Chris Martin in Sergeant Peppers' inspired shirt with the Union Jack. Enter Jay-Z in black/white and dark shades. I miss his Geek Chic look that he sported at the inauguration. The whole band is in the Sergeant Pepper get up--kind of deconstructed, street urchin version--playing La Vita.

8:28 Carrie Underwood. in a flow-y rock n' roll bondage meets Elfen princess mini-dress.

8:32 Leanne Rhimes and Cheryl Crow present lifetime acheivement award to Brenda Lee--a half-hearted moment. Then comes best Country performance by a duo or group. Sugarland wins.

8:42 Duffy and Al Green present song of the year. Coldplay for La Vida. Big controversy over this song. Joe Satriani claims that this song sounds exactly like one he wrote.

8:44 Kid Rock plays his American Anthem, Amen. Sounds like his attempt at Bruce Springsteen. Segues into All Summer Long. He's rockin'. Rock n' Roll Jesus!

8:35 Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. At 15. These gals are young. Kind of a sweet song. I've missed the whole phenomenon of Miley Cyrus living in Russia all those years. They present nominees for Best Pop Collaborations with Vocals. Robert Plant and Allison Kraus win. I love Allison.

9:00 Jennifer Hudson takes the stage. Costume change. I like this one better--sparkly black sheath with a gathered scoop neck that hugs her curves and hits below the knees.

9:09 Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder!?! perform "Burnin' Up." Stevie Wonder does Superstitious. Sigh. so predictable. "this is an inappropriate usage of Stevie Wonder. Sacrilege." These are the comments in the room as we watch. "Comparing Stevie Wonder to the Jonas Brothers? What?".

9:15 Blink 182 presents Rock Album of the Year. Coldplay. Of course.

9:22 Craig Furgeson. Love him. He's got a all black tuxedo, with silk lapels. he introduces Katie Perry. She sings her hit "I kissed a Girl" in a Chaquita Banana/Charro vegas showgirl costume. At least she's not lip synching. But geez, a little playback wouldn't have hurt.

9:26 Kanye! Performs American Boy with Estelle. He's in a silver glittering tuxedo jacket. Her silver dress is bizarre. Jetsons meets Hefty trash bag. They present Best New Artist, which Kanye points out doesn't include "us". Adele wins! Yay. She's charming and an icon for the big girls out there.

9:39 Boring. Kenny Chesney. Don't these country guys have their own awards show?

9:41 Record of the Year being presented by Natalie Cole, Herbie Hancock and Diddy. Great combo. Allison Kraus and Plant win again.

9:48 Queen Latifa. Yay. Looks great. Love the earrings. Introduces MIA, big as a house in a cute sheer black thing, with black and white polka-dot patches over the belly and butt. And the Rap Pack: Kanye West, Jay-Z, Lil' Wayne, T.I.

9:54 Kate Beckinsdale introduces Paul McCartney. Dave Grohl on drums. They perform "I saw her standing there." I saw Sir Paul perform in St. Petersburg, Russia on Palace Square in Summer 2005. There were about 50,000 fans there.

10:05 Jack Black and Charlie Hayden present grammy for Best Pop Vocal to John Mayer, who's wearing a really weird silky suit with a Mandarin-style collar. Ugly.

10:07 Sugarland and Adele? so much country tonight. I guess it's popular. Sugarland plays Stay. This lady can sing. If it's live, she pretty much beats everyone tonight. Adele is next. Fab. That sugarland girl comes up to sing a duet with her on "chasing pavements". She won me over. She's a great singer!

10:16 Damn, this show is long.

10:19 Gwynneth! In a beautiful, disco ball dress with gray tights. My favorite dress so far. Introduces Radiohead with with the USC Marching Band. How come I end up where I started? me like.

10:29 Samuel Jackson introduces JT and T.I. who perform Dead and Gone. I like T.I.'s black trench jacket with leather trim. Something British about the look. Justin is wearing a similar jacket but with a wool scarf as it's obviously quite cold on stage. T.I.'s wearing a ski cap to prove my point.

10:37 some grammy guy blathering 'Yes We Can." About creating a cabinet position for Secretary of the Arts.

10:38 Smokey introduces the "Four Tops". Only one remains: Abdul "Duke" Fakir. The other tops are filled out by Smokey, Ne-Yo, Jaime Foxx.

10:47 Neil Diamond. Why? Sweet Caroline? Do we really need this? Music Cares but we don't. "He's probably given a lot to charity and that's why they honored him." comment from the room.

10:55 Kinda pathetic tribute to Bo Diddley.

11:02 Newsflash. Chris Brown beat up Rhianna on an LA Freeway and that's why they didn't make it to the Grammys, according to sources.

11:04: Lil' Wayne introduced by Gary Sinese. CBS is bringing out all their stars from CSI. Lil' Wayne and Robin Thicke (Alan Thicke's son--apparently he's famous for singing Rn'B. Okay.) perform together. Now we got Alan Toussaint and the Dirty Dozen Brass Band doing Big Chief. It sounds like a museum piece--no life at all.

11:09 T-Pain and Will.I.Am. present Lil' Wayne with best rap album. Short but sweet acceptance speech.

11:18 Zooey D. introduces Robert Plant and Allison Kraus who play their singles, Rich Woman and Gone, Gone, Gone.

11:22 Green Day present Album of the Year. It goes to Robert Plant and Allison Kraus. Predictable. Nobody in the crowd seems that excited.

Good Night! Off to Bedfordshire.